Posts

Posession

 I need to take control of my life. I feel absolutely listless. I don't know how and when this feeling will go. I must put conscious effort to get rid of this feeling. The job is a big part contributing to this feeling. To get out of the job I need to upskill. I need to pass QF and pass BA written test. I am no longer interested in BA like I was 3-4 years back. It is a costly course. Not sure how this will push my career. The best thing for me is to focus on daily targets and forget about the nervousness of reaching the final target. Brick by brick I can develop. Daily must work till 2-3 AM. Sleep till 7-30 and 8 AM. Go for a 30 min walk. Start by 9-9:30. Till 11 focus on QF/BA. Try to close the work by 9 PM. Considering most projects are blood sucking, should not get stressed out.
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Redirecting

 I have a lot of things to be done differently. Starting from how I should look, how I should work etc. I must consciously try to make changes. Must try to follow a schedule. For now, the plan is to sleep everyday around 2-3 and wake up and start to work between 8-9. At the same time must give family time.
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The Fututre

 Holidays are a bit relaxing. Though the work did not end as expected and there was some issue that I created, everything currently looks calm. I have taken up studying quant fin. I also have the target of BA. I am not in full swing. I am committing same repeated mistakes. I am not valuing time. I am not 100% focussed. I don't have a plan ready for both these targets. In 10 days time doors of hell will open. In the meantime, I must complete as many chapters as possible of QF and BA. I need to build a routine for exercises - both physical and mental.
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General Direction

 The general direction of life feels like a downward slope. I know that my work is not great and I am lazy enough not to do anything about it. I am getting battered left right by managers and colleagues and I am frequently getting caught red handed. But nothing is moving me out of this laziness. It is not like I am not trying. To the best of my eforts I am trying. But I am not reaching the quality that is needed. I am just losing focus and determination. Nothing is interesting. When it is going tough I am counting every hour and minute. When it is a bit easy I am just sleeping or not preparing for the rainy day. On a rainy day I am totally soaked. My 3rd year here has been nothing short of miserable. Not sure how long this will continue. Need to change this but looks like a mountain of effort. I need a plan and proper execution. I need to keep realistic expectations. I must focus on my target 100% all the time. Should not lose focus and should not get distracted. I need to take car...
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